Don't expect much it is a story at my fifth standard.... And is not true completely.... only a spark I got...Later I developed it as follows.... (It has no direct connection with anyone who is living or dead)....
When I was studying in my fifth class I was a smart, cute boy......
One day.... I still remember that.... it was quite sunny... pleasant.... day.
Thankamany teacher was taking the first period. We are all listening to her. Then I noticed someone at the door... not one, they were two...one little girl and a lady seemed her mother... I drove teacher's attention towards them. After sometime teacher came to the class with that girl....at the first site I felt that I had seen her somewhere, it teased me that full day.....
The coming days I started to watch her...... I need to talk her but... something which pulled me back....Somehow that year passed, our school closed for the vacation......
During that vacation something ailed me....my days ...nights all were interrupted..... The last days of vacation I made some strong decisions.......I waited for the reopening of the school.
Thus that day came our school reopened.... I went school with some strong determinations...... But when I came in front of her ...... all my determinations washed out......I waited for a better chance.
Three years passed quickly.....now I am at high school.....
Quite unfortunately now we are in separate classes... I at VIII D and her at VIII B....... (ayyoo paavam)....
But both I and She joined the same tutorial collage (Victoria College: Central university of our village)...... so I eagerly waited for mornings and evenings...and school holidays...for the tuition classes...........
There...... I got some eye contacts from her......There were some teachers they beat very hard. When they start questioning ....she looks on me with a feared face...... even though a great fear in my mind I smile on her ....and looks her in a meaning "Don't worry I am with You".........But in all the occasions she would have escape from the beats.... and I would get it in "whole sale" manner.......Each of the situations I get beating ....I had found the pain at her mind, face..... To get that sometimes I deliberately earned beats even though knowing the answer........
But the main problem is that "I had not able to talk her....."
Thus my high school days passed......
Now I am at class XII............
No drastic changes....... everything as usual.......
Now we have an hour long bus journey.... That is by a state transport bus...a student’s only bus.... only with students and their affairs..... I kept quiet all over the journey by looking on her....but no one knows that......even she(but sometimes she nabbed me).....
Now I am in my college ....I don't know where she is.....
Now I am in the middle of Physics classes....Chemistry labs.....Campus politics.... Strikes....Friends.....Teachers...................
Somehow it faded her memories..., but not ready to leave them.....
Once my cousin told me that she joined for a professional course, and she became quite agile and dynamic ...... I was quite amazed...
Again a long gap.......no news from her.......
One day when I was in a supermarket, quite accidentally I got collided with her... but I pretended that I didn't realized her....I don't know why I did so.......
Later I saw her at one of our friend’s marriage.... There I couldn't pretend more..... I escaped there soon....
After some months one of my school mates told me that she was abroad.......
Some of you may have to ask me a question that
"Why didn't you express your feelings?”
There are mainly two reasons
1) What would her attitude towards love affairs.....
2) How her family would react if they know that she has a love affair...
Last week I got a phone call..... The call comprises the climax of the story..... Can you guess?
(I did not post the climax for two weeks, I got many queries, comments, messages, phone calls etc. All of them showed the expectation, that I would have met with her......
but actually, unfortunately not... )
The Climax....
I am starting from where I was stopped.
Yes, at that eve I got a phone call from my friend Deepu. Even saying a ‘Hello’, he told me the fact. For a while I felt shocked….
He told me that “she” joined to a convent.
I felt that even my ears deceiving me. I couldn’t believe even imagine that ‘she’ in her holy dress. I took some time to be conscious.
After that something which started to tease me. Some questions … Why she? For what reason?
That entire night I was thinking about her, each and every moment from the start. She flashed through my mind-her smiles, estrangements, tears… I felt really some miss in my mind, some kind of nothingness…
She is not my friend, not my lover, not my partner…
Then who is she? … No idea…
The main thing which worried me was that
“Do I have any part on her ill fate?”….
Meanwhile we can’t say that it is an ill fate, sometimes she is enjoying it more than a family.
I had not any idea about her for the past two years. She would have in the convent during those days.
Deepu saw her when he went to the church. He told me that she was looking like an angel.
Yes I know that she is an angel with a lot of goodness. Do you know how angels would smile? You can, if peep to her face.
The most important thing was that she asked to Deepu about me, where am I?
How am I? I was quite amazed she had not forgotten me. Dear angel thank you for that.
Angel...I coveted you …but couldn’t express at all… I was feared that you were not accessible to me, out of my range; I thought that it was only a whimsical fancy.
But now I think that I should do express my feelings at least for once.
I never showed the dare to face you more than five seconds. Most of the times I was watched you through a crowed or through the vista.
I failed to render the messages you disguised in your eye shots…
Or if I understood the meaning, I was feared to respond back… because… I don’t know why I was…
May be my inferiority complex, that I was not enough handsome, having no credits, sometimes having nothing in hand… I don’t know Angel… I was miserably failed…
Forgive me if…
“Only if “I made you desperate.
For only once I am taking the right to call you….
My Angel… I admire your purity… and you will reside in my mind as your immaculate smile, that’s enough for me……….
While I am writing this Kenny Rogers Singing through my stereo
“My love, there are so many ways I want to say I love you…
Let me hold you in my hands for a moment
You have gone and made me such a fool …..”
Yes there are so many ways but, Angel… I failed to find even one…
Life is like this… sometimes something will leave us by making a hole…
Never leave it as unfilled… that would be a self-deception.
Dear Angel… prays for me…………
